Sadie's Solace Inked

I wake up in a cold sweat

reaching for my phone for the screen to glare the harsh time of night my mind has to desired to stir during mocks me 

3:43 am. 

I still feel like i’m there

petrified in my own mental capacity 

I feel the clothes i’m in wearing that moment 

for days

months 

years 

trauma preserves its self on the shelves of my mind and is guarded my derailing desperate attempts to breach the system that holds its protection 

I throw rocks 

I throw stones 

I break the glass that holds its presence yet it stays 

I want it gone

I need it gone 

why is my mind replaying the trauma 

I check again 

3:47 am

times is still in the presence of trauma 

it’s as if my mind has the ability to slow time to give me ample time to dwell on its remains

i ignore its chants to the best of my ability

i ignore the tattered heart beats ponding on my chest begging for me to react 

don’t give in 

it wants me to react 

I slip into my most comfortable mindset dressing itself for bed 

numbness looks great in the moonlight 

I shut down 

no breaching the system but powering off its entity 

I am tired 

I will fall back asleep 

I will make it through this night.